Stop asking.. Can She? And start saying She can.

I know of a woman who wanted to be a singer and travel the world. But when she got pregnant at the height of her singing career and was made to believe her singing days were behind her.

Business woman celebrates successful deal at office. Business People
Celebrate Woman

So, she stopped singing and performing to care for her baby. I know of another woman who wanted to start her own business when she arrived in New Zealand. She was also told that it will be difficult because she had young children.

She did not listen and she went on to become a successful entrepreneur in her own right. I know of a woman who is expecting a baby and the prime minster of New Zealand. People are asking Can She????

There are questions about how she will manage as a mother and a leader. I know of many women who are mothers, entrepreneurs and leaders. They have inspired me and many more women to be where we are today.

These women are fearless and take on huge challenges to make our world a better place to live in. I also know of many women who have given up on their dreams because they have children. I know of other women who have chosen to skip motherhood because it will ruin their career only to regret it later.

My message today is simple and to all women wherever you are. Live your dream. You can have it all and be good at it. We (Women) are nurturers and we make things happen.

So, if you are contemplating motherhood or career, Don’t choose. Go for both. You are a woman after all, good at multitasking and juggling.




Taking Risks and the Benefits

Life is about taking risks. The type of risk we take will depend largely on our values, beliefs and aspirations.


What is risk taking and why should we take risks? Why can’t we just leave things the way they are?

Consider where you are now. You would have taken some risk to get there. Maybe you had to learn a new skill, speak a new language, interact with different people, sit for exams, travel to new destinations, move to a new country and leave your family behind.

Whatever you’ve done till date has involved some element of risk or else you will not know where you are at this moment. When we become comfortable and settle for the status quo we stop living.

For some people who is okay but for others it is not.

If you know and feel there’s more and not take the initiative to risk it, then there’s a potential for regrets, what ifs and a feeling of accomplishment.

Why take risk? Is risk taking important? What are the benefits?

There are different types of risk. Some should not even be attempted if the outcome is not of any benefit to the person and people around them.

Having said that, risk taking is important as it shows we’re able and determined to make changes and improve in whatever we choose to do. It also acts as a challenge to us as we learn from every experience.

If you are a salesperson, you will be living in this space everyday as you call on potential customers to sell products or services.

The risk of being rejected is one that is constantly replayed in your mind, but you also know that if you don’t pick up that phone or knock on that door, then you are taking the risk of not knowing what the outcome will be.

One thing that is a sure benefit of taking the right risk is you’ll know and knowing is good. For instance, assuming you want to ask someone out on a date, you would want to know what that persons’ answer will be. You have to risk a yes or a no answer, but you must ask that person first to get the answer. If you don’t ask them you don’t know what the answer will be.

As a confidence coach, I urge people to find things out for themselves. Don’t listen to what others say about certain things as they see things from a different perspective. Doing is knowing and you can satisfy your curiosity by taking action.

Our next post will look at another reason risk taking is beneficial to us. So stay tuned.

If you would like to share your thoughts, feel free by commenting below. You can also ask me any question by emailing me directly.


10 easy ways to start ANYTHING.

Staring anything whether be it for the first time or seeking to make changes will take some thinking and planning.

Coaching journeys for freedom and inspiration

It’s even more of a challenge when you know that something needs to give but don’t know what.  To help you take baby steps to starting here are some things to put into action to get you started.

  1. Stay away from critics. You can have a fantastic idea of what you want to do but once relayed to a critic will be like pouring water on a flame. It kills it. Keep away from those sorts of people or keep what you want to do to yourself. Constructive Criticism is good but beware of  people who tell you it’s not possible every time you share you ideas.
  1. Relight the fire. For those people who have been out of action for sometime, like stay at home mums, dads or unemployed, it’s another ball game to get back into the groove of professional career. It is also a good opportunity to do something new that you will find rewarding if there is no immediate financial pressure. Think back to your youthful self and the drive you had way back. Find a way to bring it back and channel it towards you new pathway.
  1. Reload. Following on from the previous point you may find that your energy has drained and that is affecting your drive. Daytime tv’s and latte mornings may have taken its toll on you. This is another opportunity to check your lifestyle and plan a new one that will re-energise you. More exercise, outdoor activities, community participation, connecting and seeking out new ways to reload for a good shot at new opportunities that will come your way.
  1. Take it with a smile. In the process of getting back into action, you may experience some set back like rejection and lack of interstellar in you past life. Not to worry, it happens to a lot of people. The key is to take it with a smile and move on. No need to wallow in self-pity or live in past glory. Find out what you need to do now, then do it.
  1. Bring back your old self. Remember when you use to laugh more, live more and give more. Maybe it’s time you bring back you so you can start a new phase again. Yesterday things have changed, just like it is for most people, but you can make this new you even better than the old you. You can’t change the past but you can plan the future and what better way to start fresh than now.
  1. Make new friends. So you old friends no longer want to have anything to do with you as they have moved on just like you have, or not? Another opportunity to experience new friends, maybe people who are not like you so you can learn a different culture, eat different type of food, share different stories from far and wide. The opportunities are endless and your imagination can take you places if you make a start.
  1. Write it down. What do you want this new you to do, be, experience, achieve? Write it down. Start with where you are presently, follow with where you want to be and how you will go about it. Keep it simple and stick to it.
  1. Find the map. We all need help to do things and there is no shame in asking. Remember when you are driving somewhere new; you use a map to get you there. It is the same when you seek to start something. Help will speed up the process. Don’t go it alone. There’s no point and you don’t have to prove anything to anybody except yourself. You did that when you were a teen trying to fit into the ‘IT’ group. Now is time realistic goals. With help, it’s possible.
  1. Be like dough. You can shape dough to what you like it to be.  Don’t be stuck in one place. Be like a dough. Change you shape to suit. Be flexible, open-minded and if something or a plan did not work out, try something else. Changing will start with you no body else and it is you call to start to not.
  1. Laugh and praise you. This is a good one and we don’t do it enough. Most of us have forgotten how to live life through laughter and acknowledging our little wins. Because of this, we feel like we’re not making any progress and frustration sets in. This time you’re starting; include laughter and plenty of it in your list. Celebrate your success and don’t dwell on your failures. Invite people who want to laugh with you into your life and share the joys of what it means live. Because life is good.

Whatever you’re starting, don’t delay. Life is too short. So make it count.

Feel free to get in touch me if I can support you to start. I would love to.

Four steps to make Friends with Confidence

Embracing Change Positively

If you have lived in a different country other than your country of birth, you will understand how important it is to make new friends and what it can do for a new migrant, newcomer, or former refugee.

Many people  are lucky and able to travel, visit or live in different countries, me included.  As your journey takes you places, you meet different people from different cultures and nationalities.

For young people, it’s easy for them to connect and make friends with social media and other networking tools at their finger tips. It can also be isolating as most relationship these days are virtual.

What is this form of virtual friendship or relationship building doing to our race as humans? We are loosing confidence skills to communicate effectively, in person.

For new migrants who may have arrived in a new country, the challenge is often to get people to talk to you in person. Even when you make the effort to call people, you get voice mails and your calls are not returned. This could frustrate and discourage some people from trying.

Making friends in a new country is not as easy as it once was.  It is also a key fact that if people don’t have friends in their new country, it would lead to isolation and even depression.

Some new migrants have arrived here from countries where they have a large family circle and did not have the need to extend connecting with people outside of that circle.

They now find themselves in a new country where they have to actively seek friends to connect with their new country. This is the challenge and one that we will find ways to overcome by following these four simple steps.

1) Find the confidence to go outside your house and connect. When you arrive in a new country, the onus is on you to connect to that place. How you do this will vary depending on your belief and culture. The first key to settling is make friends or gaining acquaintances that will support you.
In my experience living in different countries, my first point of connection when I unpack my belongings is to find a local church as I am a Christian. For others it could be the Mosque, Temple, gym, children’s school PTA, Social clubs, Library etc. Anywhere to get you out of the house and mingling with people.

2) Find the Confidence to learn the language
If you have moved to a country where the Lagrange is different to you mother tongue, learn the language. Why? So you can interact with people. Most new migrants will be shy and worried about speaking for fear of getting it wrong. But remember, if you don’t make an effort, you will not learn. Mistakes are part of learning and the more you learn from your mistakes the better you get at not making them. There are many ways that you can improve your language skills. Attending language classes. Joining groups that will offer you the opportunity for conversation, volunteering at opportunity shops, your child’s school etc. Practice, practice and practice.

3)Find the confidence to get to know your neighbours.  When I first moved into my neighbourhood, I knocked to say hello to one of my neighbours and got a cold reception. She opened the door slightly and stuck her head out and asked what I wanted. Experiences like that is enough to put anyone off connecting. But you can’t give up after a first encounter. That neighbor may have had a bad day and not need to see or speak to any one. If you get a cold reception, try again next time, when they are in a better mood.

4) Find the confidence to share your culture. Invite people to your house and share your culture. We, as human beings have an inquiring mind. We want to know but we don’t want to ask.  In most cases we don’t have the courage to ask due to fear of rejection or cultural barriers. The world is becoming a mixture of different ethnicity and cultures. This has opened up opportunities for us to learn about other people and how they live. If you are new to a place, be ready to share and open your house to others and enrich them with your cultures.

Invite your neighbours, encourage them to bring their own culture to share with you. Ask questions about what is culturally acceptable in your new homeland and share yours.

Open mindedness and inquisitive mind will help you settle and connect.

Understanding of our cultural difference and diversity will make for an enhanced and long-lasting neighbourly relationship.

Fee free to share your thoughts and get in touch here.

You can sign up to attend upcoming Confidence building and career development workshop for New Migrants here

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